If the World Was Crazy by Shel Silverstein

If the world was crazy, you know what I'd eat?

A big slice of soup and a whole quart of meat,

A lemonade sandwich, and then I might try

Some roasted ice cream or a bicycle pie,

A nice notebook salad, an underwear roast,

An omelet of hats and some crisp cardboard toast,

A thick malted milk made from pencils and daisies,

And that's what I'd eat if the world was crazy.

If the world was crazy, you know what I'd wear?

A chocolate suit and a tie of eclair,

Some marshmallow earmuffs, some licorice shoes,

And I'd read a paper of peppermint news.

I'd call the boys "Suzy" and I'd call the girls "Harry,"

I'd talk through my ears, and I always would carry

A paper umbrella for when it grew hazy

To keep in the rain, if the world was crazy.

If the world was crazy, you know what I'd do?

I'd walk on the ocean and swim in my shoe,

I'd fly through the ground and I'd skip through the air,

I'd run down the bathtub and bathe on the stair.

When I met somebody I'd say, "G'bye, Joe,"

And when I was leaving--then I'd say "Hello."

And the greatest of men would be silly and lazy

So I would be king...if the world was crazy.

--

About the author:

Shel Silverstein was born on September 25, 1930 in Chicago, Illinois and began writing and drawing at a young age.  He became a cartoonist, playwright, poet, performer, recording artist, and Grammy-winning, Oscar-nominated songwriter.

Silverstein is best known as the author of iconic books of prose and poetry for young readers.  His works include such modern classics as Lafcadio: The Lion Who Shot Back (1963), The Giving Tree (1964), The Missing Piece (1976), and The Missing Piece Meets the Big O (1981).  His immensely popular poetry collections are Where the Sidewalk Ends, a 1974 Michigan Young Readers Award winner; A Light in the Attic, recipient of the School Library Journal Best Books Award in 1982; Falling Up (1996); and Don't Bump the Glump! And Other Fantasies, which was originally published in 1963 and reissued in 2008.  Runny Rabbit, a posthumous poetry collection of spoonerisms, was conceived and completed before his death.

Silverstein's books, which he also illustrated, are characterized by a deft mixing of the sly and the serious, the macabre, and the just plain silly.  His unique imagination and bold brand of humor is beloved by countless adults and children throughout the world.  He died in May 1999.