18 July 2014

Born to go to hell?

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When I spoke with my dad earlier this year about being in a relationship with Bo, I asked him point-blank what his feelings were about me being gay and in a relationship. The comment he kept making over and over was "Biblically, it's wrong." It was as if his personal feelings didn't matter, and he was focusing on what he has been taught that the Bible and his religion say about the matter.

His final conclusion was that he considered my sexuality to be something that I have chosen that he doesn't agree with, and compared it to one of my siblings living with a significant other out of wedlock.

The comparison irritated me. I told him not to compare me to my siblings on this matter because I did not choose to be gay, while my siblings did choose their lifestyles (living with the people they're dating, smoking, tattoos, etc.*). He believes in a creator god, so he believes that god created all people. Following that logic, his god made me this way.

That concept was a big struggle for me in speaking with my dad. He goes to a FIB** church, so homosexuality is condemned, hands down. There is no gray area on that. And yet, science proves that it's not a choice, which means god made me that way. And if I'm going to hell for being gay, does that mean god made me to go to hell, and that despite any free will I might have, I'm going to go to hell?***

These are the kinds of questions I once asked and was told that I had to have faith. Or that I had the questions because I didn't have a right relationship with god. Or that "some things are just mysteries."

Of course, I suppose my error is in the "science proves it's not a choice" part. Because the Bible. After all, who is science to say that my lifestyle is not a choice when Pastor Bible-Scholar says it is, in fact, a choice and the result of my sinful, sinful nature. Those of the FIB (and other denominations) say that I don't have to go to hell if I just change who I am. Because science doesn't stand up to the Bible.

And this all assumes that an eternity of damnation is actually a viable threat of punishment.

Which assumes that I have the desire to believe out of fear of eternal damnation.

Then again, why would I believe in a god that created me in a way that condemns me to hell?

*I know. But this is from my dad's perspective, okay?

**Fundamental, independent Baptist

***I know not all brands of Christianity condemn gays to hell. Some are indifferent, and many are non-judgmental and accepting. This post is speaking specifically to FIB.

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