The case for "they" as a singular pronoun

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Throughout my education, "they" was always a plural pronoun. My literature teacher seemed to relish pointing out subject-verb agreement in our homework and essays. In fact, she corrected us verbally, as well, over the course of class discussion.

Language was binary.

But life is not.

On Monday, I read an outstanding post from Casey over at Life with Roozle about coming out as genderqueer. She says:

I'm taking up space in this in between, in this neither and both and everything I've always been and everything I want to be. Even though it's terrifying. Even though it changes nothing. Even though it changes everything. That's how language works. It's just language. 

Language is everything. Language defines us even when we don't want it to.

Yes, Casey. Yes, it does. I can't imagine how hard it was for them to write that post, but I'm so, so glad they did.

The problem with language (right now) is that it is molded by people who can sometimes be closed-minded and traditional. They have a very specific perspective of what the world is, and they use language to perpetuate it. When that worldview is binary (particularly in gender constructs), language becomes binary, as well.

He.

She.

And they is relegated to a plural pronoun.

But humanity changes and evolves and develops. Language, by its very nature as an expression of humanity, must change, as well. If society is no longer strictly binary, why is language?

I wholeheartedly support the use of "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Casey, and others, already prefer they/them/their over gender-specific pronouns. So it makes sense that society accepts this reclamation of language to fit the needs of human expression.

I know that Puck and Tink will likely learn in school that "they" is a plural pronoun and should be used as such. Okay. But when they get home and tell me that, I will let them know that in our non-binary society, some people prefer to be referred to as "they" because not everyone identifies as strictly male or strictly female.

There are shades of purple in our pink-and-blue humanness.



What are your thoughts on "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun? Why?

Challenge: Days Six and Seven

Skipped another day. Sorry about that. Here's what's gone right the past couple of days:

I found some optimism.

I'm still sticking to my plan, which hinges entirely on news I'm waiting to receive in the next day or so. It's very frustrating to know that the next month of my life is dependent on one decision that I have no control over, but I was reminded of a conversation between my brother and myself that has helped. Whatever happens, it's going to be okay. It might suck, and it absolutely won't go the way I expect, but it will be okay in the end.

I will have more support in Florida than I thought.

As I've mentioned before, one of my anxieties about moving has been that everyone who has been a support to me over the past couple of years will still be in Illinois. I'm moving to a place where the only people I know are toddlers or won't have anything to do with me (divorce tends to do that, doesn't it?). But I got some really good news yesterday that certain people will be moving closer to me soon, and have promised to visit often. It gives me encouragement for the future, both short- and long-term.

I got to sing with my friends one more time.

Yesterday I got to sing with the church choir once more before moving. I absolutely loved singing with them, and it's one of the many things I'll greatly miss when I move. Being able to sing one more time--and say goodbye to the friends I met through the church--lifted my heart and gave me the encouragement I'm going to need to get through the next few weeks.

I had an afternoon of movies.

Yesterday while I was working on finishing up a project for a client, I watched some movies on Netflix. Some I hadn't seen, others were repeats, all of them entertaining. I know it might not be the most productive decision to watch movies while I work, but I don't care. I got the project done, and was entertained at the same time.

A regular client added some work to my project list.

I have a regular client right now that I really love working with. The projects are fun, it's in a field I'm passionate about (Literature and education? Awesome!), and it's a good working relationship. The good news is that this client added some upcoming projects to our contract, so I'll get to do more work with him, and the specific projects sound like they're going to be a lot fun. Yay!

I got to talk to my brotherface*!

I had something important (the next item in this post, actually) to tell my brother, so we talked on the phone last night. Despite living in the same town, we don't get to talk much. We're both working, we both have munchkins, and our lives are just a bit chaotic. So when we talk, it's valuable to me. It was a typical conversation for us. We talked about TV and movies, literature (Dude! Read Lovecraft!), work, family, life, philosophy.... It was wonderful. I have a great brotherface.

And thus concludes my challenge for this week. It was good for me to take the time and think about things that went right every day over the past week. With everything else that's been going on, it helped me keep an optimistic mindset. Thanks, CCB, for the challenge!

What went right for you over the past week?






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*
My brother (the older of my two younger brothers) calls me "sisterface" or "sissyface." He also calls our mom "mommyface." So I call him "brotherface."

Challenge: Day Five

Yesterday was a strange day for me. There were some things that frustrated me (immensely), so it became even more important for me to focus on what was going right.

I think as it's getting closer to time for me to leave everything behind and start over in Florida, everything I'm doing to move is becoming more real. Especially because there's so much I've decided to not take with me so that I can either get rid of what I don't need and am not using, or replace some of my second-hand pieces with something I want.

In that way, moving to Florida really will be a fresh start for me. I'm in my new job (well, back to an old job, but still), I'll have a new place to live, new stuff to make it a home....

I'm trying to be positive about the fresh start aspect of the move. But it's hard because of the leaving-everything-behind aspect of the move. That part gives me a little knot in the pit of my stomach. So focusing on what's going right is helping. So yesterday...

Despite being tempted by fast food, I stuck to my diet and ate healthy, vegan leftovers.

When the kids are gone, it's easier for me to justify eating out. After all, it's just me. But I have good options at home for healthy, vegan meals. I may have to take a little extra time to cook what I have (which is why I was tempted by fast food), but I know it's a smarter--and more cost-effective--choice. So I had left-overs from my vegan enchilada skillet thingy instead of running out for food. And I felt better afterward. I know that if I'd gotten fast food, it may not have been vegan (limited choices here in central IL), and it certainly wouldn't have been as healthy. So yay me!

I got a lot of work done.

Yesterday was a big work day. I made progress on a client project (that I'll be finishing up this afternoon and evening). It's a fun project (it has to do with Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby), and I'm enjoying working on it. The good news is that when I'm finished with this one, I get to finish up another project that has to do with Wilson's Ma Rainey's Black Bottom. Days like that, I love my job.

I gave myself a break.

I know that there is only so much I am physically capable of doing. And I know that I'm doing all I can. And that sometimes, I need to be okay with giving my eyes a rest or sleeping more than four hours. Yesterday, when I ate supper, I didn't work through it. Instead, I let myself relax while I ate, then got back to work afterward. It was exactly what I needed. It gave me enough of a boost to push through the rest of the night.

What went right for you yesterday? How about over the past week?

Challenge: Days Three and Four

So.... I didn't get the chance to post yesterday about the things that went right for me on Wednesday. Instead, I'll post today for both days.

Life happens.

So here's what's gone right for me over the past couple of days:

I'm sticking to my plan.

As I've mentioned before, the next few weeks are going to be quite chaotic for me. I have a plan, and so far I'm sticking to it. I had to adjust it slightly yesterday (which takes effect on Monday), but I'm managing to keep moving forward each day, which is a good thing. I can only hope that this coming Monday goes well, because it will be a key day for my plans over the next few weeks, but if it does, I'll be in much better shape with my plan. (If it doesn't, well, I'll deal with that if it happens.)

I haven't had any soda for the past few days.

Yes, I've been drinking lots of coffee, but I take minimal sugar in my coffee and no cream, so it's not as bad in terms of calories. I've been trying to give up soda for a long time, and while I don't know that I'll be able to fully give it up (at least for a while), cutting back as much as I have is a big victory to me.

I talked to the munchkins yesterday evening.

As usual, it was hard to get Puck to talk to me, but Tink was talkative, and I'm just glad I got to see them. Skype makes it a little easier to be away from the munchkins. I've been really missing them this week. That being said, I'll be glad when I'm finally settled in Florida and don't have to be away from them this long anymore.

I'm de-cluttering.

I have a lot of stuff that I never unpacked when I moved from Florida to Illinois. Some of it has no real place in my life anymore, while some of it has been outgrown by the kids (baby clothes and toys, etc.). Since I'm moving back to Florida and my space is quite limited, I'm using this opportunity to de-clutter my home. Whatever I can give away or donate, I will. Some stuff will just get thrown out. I'm a different person now, and I'm looking forward to replacing a lot of what I won't bring to Florida with me.

I am at peace.

This isn't really a "thing that went right," but it's still important and something I want to share. There is still a lot of chaos in my life, but I feel better about this chaos than I have most of the chaos in my life lately. I feel in control of my life and my future. I know I'm on the right path for my children and myself. There is still a lot I need to do to get where I really want to be (which will take a few years), but I'm doing okay. Much better than I have been. I am at peace.

Challenge: Day Two

I accepted a challenge from the wonderful CCB to find three things that go right every day. I intended to blog about yesterday's "right things" before bed, but it just didn't happen, so I'm doing it today instead. And that's okay.

I didn't go back to bed after breakfast!

My mom works nights at her new, awesome job, so when she got off yesterday morning she called to see if I was up, and took me to breakfast. It was really great to get to talk to her uninterrupted for a while. After we ate, we even walked next door to the sporting goods store and looked at golf clubs and gear. (She's in the market for a set of clubs.) It was a nice little outing to start my day, and even though I was tired, I didn't go back to bed afterward. And that was a major victory for me!

I didn't give in to "easy" food options.

I'm working on transitioning my diet (and lifestyle) to fully vegan. Right now I would say I'm "mostly vegan." However, when I went to the store yesterday to get a few things, I made the conscious decision to not get "easy" food options (for example, frozen meals or deli meat) and stick to healthy, ethical options instead. As a result, I picked up some salsa (not the healthiest, but better than many alternatives), edamame, and almond milk. It may take a little more effort to make a meal rather than popping a frozen meal in the oven, but I know my body will thank me.

I finished another project for a regular client.

I have a particular client that often has regular work for me, which is wonderful. I love doing the projects, the client and I work well together, and I know I can usually count on this client for work any time. I finished another project, which is good because even though I love doing these projects, some of them get a little more tedious than others. This last one was pretty tedious. As in, I was frustrated and couldn't wait to finish this project. I was worried I would have to finish it today, but I got it done before bed last night, so yay!

Challenge: Day One

I've accepted a challenge by Casey of Life with Roozle to find three things every day that have gone right. Today is the first day, so here's my list.

I have a plan.

People who know what's going on in my life lately know how important this is. With the sudden changes to my move to Florida, having a plan for moving forward is what's keeping me going. It's not an ideal situation, and will affect some long-term plans, but that's okay because it's a plan. I can move forward with a plan.

I got a lot of work done today.

When I'm frustrated, work helps. I can shut out the rest of the world and concentrate on projects I have for my clients. Since I have a lot of work for clients right now (but don't let that deter you from contacting me if you have work! I am accepting new clients!), I've been able to channel today's frustrations into work, which means today has been very productive. That's a very good thing.

I got to talk to the munchkins on Skype.

Today was Puck's first day of preschool, so it was important for me to get to talk to him and Tink so I could hear about their day. I'm not happy I didn't get to be there for his first day of school, but kindergarten is more important to me than preschool. And sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Anyway, we got to talk on Skype, and I heard about Puck's day (he played with cars and dinosaurs). He was distracted, but he talked to me a little, and Tink talked to me, so I'm happy.

Today was a good day.