The case for "they" as a singular pronoun

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Throughout my education, "they" was always a plural pronoun. My literature teacher seemed to relish pointing out subject-verb agreement in our homework and essays. In fact, she corrected us verbally, as well, over the course of class discussion.

Language was binary.

But life is not.

On Monday, I read an outstanding post from Casey over at Life with Roozle about coming out as genderqueer. She says:

I'm taking up space in this in between, in this neither and both and everything I've always been and everything I want to be. Even though it's terrifying. Even though it changes nothing. Even though it changes everything. That's how language works. It's just language. 

Language is everything. Language defines us even when we don't want it to.

Yes, Casey. Yes, it does. I can't imagine how hard it was for them to write that post, but I'm so, so glad they did.

The problem with language (right now) is that it is molded by people who can sometimes be closed-minded and traditional. They have a very specific perspective of what the world is, and they use language to perpetuate it. When that worldview is binary (particularly in gender constructs), language becomes binary, as well.

He.

She.

And they is relegated to a plural pronoun.

But humanity changes and evolves and develops. Language, by its very nature as an expression of humanity, must change, as well. If society is no longer strictly binary, why is language?

I wholeheartedly support the use of "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Casey, and others, already prefer they/them/their over gender-specific pronouns. So it makes sense that society accepts this reclamation of language to fit the needs of human expression.

I know that Puck and Tink will likely learn in school that "they" is a plural pronoun and should be used as such. Okay. But when they get home and tell me that, I will let them know that in our non-binary society, some people prefer to be referred to as "they" because not everyone identifies as strictly male or strictly female.

There are shades of purple in our pink-and-blue humanness.



What are your thoughts on "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun? Why?

"I'm not a boy:" Tink's gender expression

Tink is what many people would describe as "all girl." She likes pink and dresses and lacy and frilly and princesses, princesses, princesses. And that is perfectly fine with me.

However, the week of Thanksgiving, I gave Tink a green and silver striped shirt (with sparkly silver threads) to wear. She took it from me, made a face and said, "I'm not a boy, Mama."

Yes, because the shirt I gave her was not pink or frilly (though it did have a little sparkle to it), she assumed it was a shirt meant for boys.

I explained to her, briefly, that clothes have no gender, and that I got the shirt for her because it's sparkly. She wore it, and when someone complimented her on how cute she looked in it, she was much happier for the rest of the day.

The next day, she picked a pink shirt.

This is something that came up with Puck, as well. He went through a "but that's for girls" phase, which has been revisited during this school year. So whenever the opportunity arises, we emphasize that there's "no such thing as boy/girl..." whatever, and remind the munchkins that those who identify as boys and those who identify as girls can do or wear or be whatever they want. There is no gender requisite.

Right now it's not a big deal. And when the kids get a bit older and are involved in picking what clothes we buy for them, they'll have a more significant role in expressing themselves through clothing.

For now, I think Bo and I will be incorporating some more non-pink and non-purple clothing in her wardrobe. Just to mix things up a little bit.