*sigh* I tried.

Really hard.

I wanted to read the books and talk about what I really thought of them based on the literary and social merits of the story.

So I tried.

And I failed.

I just can't do it. I'm sorry. I can't read Fifty Shades. Not only do I object to the content, but I can't get past the writing.

So to all those who said I can't have an opinion if I haven't read the books, know that I tried, and my opinion is only reinforced. I hate it.

Why I'm going to be Mrs. Bo

When a man and woman get married, the assumption is that the wife will take her husband's last name. There are variations, of course. Some women keep their maiden names for various reasons (professional, children from a previous relationship) or the couple will hyphenate. However, in today's society, it is still a very rare thing for the husband to take the wife's name.

Non-hetero marriages are different. When two women or two men get married, both last names are up for grabs. They may hyphenate or keep their respective names (especially if they are not out at work, for example). However, the conversation has to happen in order for the couple to decide what they are going to do.

Bo and I had a quick conversation about it and discovered we were both on the same page. I am taking her last name. And there are several reasons for it.

When Monty and I divorced, I kept my married name. The kids were young, and it made more sense to me at the time to have the same last name they do. In addition, I didn't want to have my father's last name, and moving to something different would have been unnecessarily complicated. So I kept my married name.

Because of that, when Bo and I got engaged our choices were for both of us to keep our respective names, for her to take the last name of my ex-husband, or for me to take her last name. Neither of us wanted to hyphenate, partly because of the length of her last name.

I didn't want to keep our respective last names. One of the joys of being able to legally get married in the U.S. is to legally pronounce that relationship to the world, including with a name change. I can legally take the name of my wife as an outward sign of our love and devotion. Why wouldn't I do that?

So that left us with one of us taking the other's last name. Bo wasn't comfortable taking my last name because it's not my maiden name. (For some reason, she doesn't want to share my ex-husband's last name. Who would have guessed....) I agreed with her, and realized that I didn't really want it, either.

Yes, it's the kids' last name, but the kids are comfortable in the idea that not everyone in their family has the same last name they do. They understand that family is as much love and desire as it is name and blood. So it doesn't bother me at all anymore to have a different last name than theirs.

In addition, my current last name is representative of something that isn't me anymore. It's from a very different time in my life, It's appropriate that my new last name will be much more who I am.

I'll have to practice signing the new name.

Renew your spirit with women's soccer

The 2015 FIFA Women's World Cup is going on.

And the U.S. team is awesome. I've loved watching them play, and I'm glad that Bo and I decided to start watching soccer.

We originally decided to start watching way back in March when we were on our cruise. There were a couple of soccer matches on the stateroom TV throughout the week, and we got to talking about how we both wanted to have a sport to watch, but neither of us really like watching the mainstream American sports like football, basketball, and baseball. So we decided to give soccer a try.

And now we're a soccer lesbian couple.

I really like soccer. I understand the rules, there is minimal down time within the game, and the women on the U.S. team are badasses. There are even a couple of players I consider myself a fan of, like Megan Rapinoe and Abby Wambach (both of whom are out and proud, by the way).

The next U.S. game is against Germany on Tuesday. We'll be watching.

It is so ordered.

So, this morning...

Source

...because...

Source

Though it may have been kicking and screaming, the United States has been brought to the right side of history. Here's what transpired between yesterday and today:

Source

It looks so much prettier now, don't you think? And more like the United States of America.

Here is the decision for those who would like to read it. According to the decision:

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. 

The judgement of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed. 

It is so ordered.

Good job, SCOTUS.

Getting away to get recharged

Puck and Tink are with Monty for a few weeks for their summer extravaganza (our summer extravaganza is immediately after Monty's), so Bo and I decided to take a few days to visit Mimi and Papa G.

It's been a crazy spring semester and beginning of the summer, so we were grateful for the chance to get away, spend time with family, and recharge before I jump into a heavy season of work with clients.

I'm excited for what the summer will bring for work and life and everything (especially as we continue to plan and get ready for the wedding in October).

It is a working mini-vacation, but it's still wonderful to have some time away from the normal setting and routine, and it's especially good to get to spend time with Bo's parents.

And the puppy dogs!

Renew your spirit, and keep moving

I've been struggling lately. I've had to deal with depression and anxiety since I was in middle school, and while I can keep it under control the vast majority of the time, there are still days that are worse than others.

This week has seen some bad days.

I don't exactly why; nothing has happened to cause it. But I found myself really struggling this week to keep pushing forward and doing what I needed to do. The lure of doing nothing was particularly strong.

The first day it happened, I thought it was just my introvert-ness showing. Between Bo and I working together and Puck's school schedule, I hadn't had much alone time to recharge. The time I did have alone was spent driving or doing administrative-type work (updating task lists, organizing, etc.).

But it persisted. And changed.

And it had a weird, unwelcome feeling to it.

I have tools and resources to help me fight depression and anxiety, and they usually work. But this time has been a little different. The tools and resources I normally use haven't worked, and I've come to the conclusion that the only way out is through.

I know it will get better. I just have to keep moving.

Transformation and clothing

I've been doing a lot of changing and developing, especially mentally/emotionally and spiritually, over the past several months. Along with reassessing my priorities in order to provide for my family better, I have renewed my efforts at self-care to ensure that I am in the best position to be the woman I want to be, and the woman my family needs to be.

As I've gone through these changes, I've noticed things about myself that have changed. I don't watch TV much anymore (I much prefer listening to New Age-y ambient music or indie, folksy music). I'm incorporating healthier habits in my every day life.

And my clothing tastes have changed significantly.

My clothing used to be simple, with most of my pieces coming from Soul-Flower (which I still love, by the way). However, as my career is taking a different direction, and I find myself interested in different things in my life, my wardrobe has changed. I'm shifting to a more minimalist wardrobe, focusing on French wardrobe-inspired basics in white, gray, navy, and black. That way, nearly everything in my wardrobe will coordinate with everything else, and I'll always look clean and polished, even when all I'm wearing is jeans and a tank top.

Sample French-inspired minimalist wardrobe (source)

I've got about half of what's on my list. I'm in the process of getting rid of what I don't wear and replacing with high quality pieces in my new wardrobe plan. The goal is to have the basic pieces I can wear throughout the year (especially easy since I live in Florida and the climate doesn't change too drastically between seasons).

The shift in fashion taste reflects a shift in my mindset, I think. I'm in a much better place than I was a year ago--or even six months ago--and this new wardrobe is a better expression of who I am on the inside: a professional, put-together, goal-oriented solopreneur.

One of the pieces of advice often given to those who work from home is to treat your home office the way you would a traditional office. That is, start at a set time each day, stop at a set time each day, and present yourself as though you work in an office.

It may be a great concept to be able to work in your pajamas, but if you look like you work in an office, your head-space is different. You allow yourself to feel that you're in "work mode" when you're wearing a pencil skirt, blouse, and heels.

Besides, the shift in my fashion taste has given me the excuse for a little retail therapy!

Do your fashion tastes change when you go through an emotional/mental/spiritual change?

Tink had to get a pinch yesterday....

Yesterday was Tink's four-year checkup and physical exam for pre-K (hooray!). She was nervous about it, though, because she knew she would have to get vaccinated,* and kind of psyched herself out about it.

When Tink was called back by the nurse, before we even left the waiting area, she looked up at the nurse with her big eyes and said, "You're not going to give me a pinch, are you? I don't want to get a pinch." The nurse faltered, and said she only does what the doctor tells her to do (nice deflection).

The physical exam went well. Dr. M was impressed with her cognitive development. She speaks clearly in complete sentences, knows how to spell her name verbally, and has the fine motor skills to be able to write her name (first and last) legibly. She can do sequencing and counting, and is well on her way to being ready for school.

One thing we've always struggled with for Tink is her size. When she was a baby, she had weight checks once a week, was having blood drawn every other week, and went to a number of specialists to try and determine whether her slow--almost nonexistent--growth was for a reason. In the end, the pediatric geneticist said that either she's okay and will just be small (or grow out of it), or she has something that she was too young to meet the diagnostic criteria for.

So that was a worry for me this time. She has grown in height, which I'm incredibly happy about. We even had to buy her new clothes because her ankles were peeking out of her pant legs.

But she hasn't grown in weight. Like...at all.

That, paired with some pain she's been having, led the doctor to want to run some blood work and get an x-ray to see if there's a reason to be worried. There are a couple of things Dr. M thinks it could be, and the tests she's ordered will help figure things out. And she wants to see Tink in six months for a weight check (better than the weekly appointments it was when she was a baby!).

Overall, it was  good appointment, with one "let's see." That being said, Tink is active and smart and happy, and very ready to take pre-K by storm.







-----
*We vaccinate. On time.