Renew your spirit with coming back to blogging

The last couple of weeks have been busy. I've had some rather intense blog posts that I've wanted to post, but life has gotten in the way of blogging lately.

Sorry.

I'm still here, and I am working on getting back into blogging regularly. I'm even scheduling a couple of posts for next week while Bo and I are away for our mini-honeymoon.

Now that things are settling, I'll be posting much more regularly.

Also, it's Banned Books Week, so find something to read that has been challenged or banned to show your support to reading and writing freedom, stand up to censorship, and get a great story out of it!

Enjoy your rebellious reading!

Blood work and weight checks and follow-ups

In December 2011 (8 mos. old), Tink
could not stand (even assisted) and weighed
less than fifteen pounds. (She was 6 lbs at birth.)

A few years ago, Tink and I were almost spending more time at doctors' offices and in clinics than not. She was tiny and not growing, and her pediatrician wanted to know why.

It wasn't a matter of growing slowly. She simply wasn't growing. And wasn't hitting her developmental milestones.

So we went to specialists and she had lots of blood drawn and we were in the pediatrician's office more than once a month just so she could step on the scale.

We're at it again.

We've had appointments and blood work and x-rays, and a specialist who looked at her and said, "I've never seen this before."

So we're circling back to start again with the pediatrician, which means another round of blood work and a weight check appointment (that includes Puck because he isn't growing as quickly as he should because he doesn't want to be left out. Or something.).

With each appointment I make and doctor's report I get, I can't help but remembering where we were before, when Tink was in physical and occupational therapy. When she was a year old and couldn't stand unassisted. When blood work was so routine to her that she just stared at the tech that drew her blood with an expression that said, "And what?"

She's older now, and much more aware of the pain that comes with drawing blood. Or, as we call them, "pinches." She dreads them. And not only does she ask every health care professional if they're going to give her a pinch, but she recognizes the logo of Quest Diagnostics and whenever she sees it, she asks if we're going to the "pinch place."

Today, no. This month, yes. Next month, too.

It's harder now. She's older and understands more. She knows there's something going on. And she doesn't like pinches.

Neither do I.

It's going to be a long few months, Miss Tink. But we're right here with you.

On marriage licenses and equality

Bo and I picked up our marriage license this morning in preparation for our wedding in about three weeks.

We didn't have any problems getting the license, and were congratulated by two staff members. In fact, the woman who helped us was even apologetic that the license says "groom," and said we could cross it out if we wanted to.*

And I couldn't help but thinking that I'm glad we don't live in Kentucky, where Kim Davis made the decision that her personal beliefs gave her justification to willfully defy a ruling by the U.S. Supreme Court and refuse to issue marriage licenses in order to prevent from "participating" in the sin that is same-sex marriage.

I haven't blogged about Kim Davis. I've shared articles on Facebook here and there, and talked about it quite a bit with Bo. But I've been sort of avoiding talking about it here until more news came out. I thought it would be settled by now and I'd be able to write about it with a better understanding of the overall situation.

In case you don't know what's been going on, here are the highlights:

• Kim Davis, a circuit clerk in Rowan County, Kentucky, is a born-again Christian (she was saved four years ago) in a conservative denomination that condemns homosexuality and same-sex marriage.
• Following the ruling by the Supreme Court, Davis made the decision to not issue marriage licenses because her name is on the application (as the clerk), and she believes that her name on the licenses makes her party to gay marriage and culpable in these people's sins.
• Despite Davis's efforts to legally allow this ban through her claim that issuing the licenses discriminates against her religious practices, all of her appeals failed, leading SCOTUS to issue a one-line ruling upholding the previous ruling that said she must issue licenses.
• When she continued to refuse, including instructing her deputy clerks that they were also not permitted to issue licenses, she was held in contempt of court. The judge told her that she would not be jailed if she would allow the deputy clerks to issue licenses in her stead, which she refused.
• She has been jailed for contempt of court. The judge told the deputy clerks that they could either issue licenses or join her in jail. Five of the six (the one hold-out being her son) agreed to issue licenses.
• Kim Davis is still in jail, and has attempted to file a new appeal.

Image source

There are a lot of factors in this case. On one hand, Kim Davis has a sincerely held belief that by issuing marriage licenses to queer couples, she is not only condoning the sin/behavior, but is equal part in it because her name is on the form. She is signing off on the marriage. I can see how she interprets that as her acceptance of same-sex marriage as an institution in the United States. Her signature makes the union legal in the county, so her signature says, "Yes, these two individuals are married."

That's one of the things she has a problem with. If her name/signature wasn't on the form, I believe she would still have refused to issue licenses, but that's a separate issue.

However, she's overreaching quite a bit. Not only did she take it too far by refusing to allow the deputy clerks to issue licenses, thereby putting their jobs in jeopardy (not to mention risking jail time), but she is also taking it too far by claiming that issuing licenses to same-sex couples (which, let's be honest, is the main component of her position as an elected official) constitutes religious discrimination.

I fail to see how issuing licenses with your name on them discriminates against you as a religious individual. So did the court.

Because, when you really look at the situation, you have to remember that the founding fathers established a concept called "separation of church and state," for this very reason. Allowing government officials, like county clerks, to make decisions and enact policies based on their individual religious beliefs and practices is dangerously close to sanctioning a state church. (Kind of the whole reason people left England to begin with, yanno?)

When she goes to work, she is no longer a private citizen. She is an elected official. Her religious beliefs don't matter because she wasn't elected and is not employed by the church or even by Christians. She is beholden to the law, when she took an oath** as an elected official, she swore to uphold the law and the Constitution, which now includes marriage equality in the nation. She can't just not follow certain laws because she doesn't like them or agree with them. Our nation doesn't work that way.

And, just as importantly, legalities of her duties aside, her rights only extend as far as someone else's. When she refused to issue marriage licenses, she violated the rights of the couples who were refused. And she can't do that, either.

One of the many problems with this situation is that, as an elected official, she can't just be fired. There's a whole process to remove her from office through impeachment. But she is finally being held accountable for her failure to do her job. And I hope that Rowan County (and Kentucky) continue to follow through with that.

Of course, the conservatives are having a field day now that she's in jail. She's become a martyr for the cause, with her husband even comparing her to the Biblical figures of Silas and Paul who were imprisoned for their adherence to their beliefs.

No. No.

She's not a martyr. She's not a conservative Christian hero. She's a small-minded woman who let her personal feelings and beliefs justify breaking hte law and is now being called to account for it.

Mark 12:17, y'all.

She may be a Christian, and may believe that she must ultimately answer to her god. But even Jesus recognized and accepted that there are laws and expectations set up on earth that Christians must adhere to. You can't claim god as a justification for breaking the law and defying a court ruling.

She's learning that the hard way. It's too bad that most of her fans won't really get the lesson, anyway.




-----
*Bo said she doesn't care that it says groom. All she cares about is that it's legal for us to get married.

**The teachings of her denomination encourages members not to take oaths for this very reason, actually. When the oath conflicts with religious beliefs, it causes this kind of dilemma.

Renew your spirit with feeling pretty

Sample French-inspired minimalist wardrobe (source)

Lately, I've felt pretty.

I have nearly completed my basics wardrobe (just a couple more items to acquire, all of which are not urgent in the least), and my skin has been looking better and better lately.

It amazes me how much of an impact these little changes have had on my outlook and confidence, especially lately.

I feel good because I feel like I look good.

My appearance and my impression of how others see me was a big source of anxiety for me for a long time, particularly because of my skin. But the longer I have been living authentically, staying true to who I am, the more I find myself caring less about what others think of me and more what I think about myself.

Despite moments of anxiety, things are going well for me.

Now that we're into autumn and work is beginning to pick up more, my work days are nice and productive. Summer is typically slower for me, and I'm glad to be getting back to the way things should be with work. It makes me feel more accomplished at the end of the day, and I really love the work I do each day.

Bo and I are getting married in less than a month, and things are coming together nicely for the wedding and our mini-honeymoon afterward.* We have some final details to iron out, but, mostly, we're ready. (And we'll be getting our announcements in the mail soon, so we can get those ready to send out.) 

School has started, and Puck and Tink are into their school-year routine, which is working well for all of us. The kids like having structure to their days, and knowing exactly what comes next in their days. In fact, each of them has a checklist for weekdays, and all they have to do is go down the list starting when they wake up. If they do everything on their lists, they'll have had a good day and gotten everything (chores) done before bed.

And, through it all, my perspective has shifted so that I feel much more confident and put together than ever before. I'm not saying it's only because of my wardrobe, but I know that if I feel like I look good, I feel good.

So I'm glad I feel pretty.

-----

*We're taking a little trip after our wedding, and planning a bigger trip for next spring or summer.

Renew your spirit with getting back into the office

Image by Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation. It's been...weird...having time off. I've enjoyed it -- especially getting to spend time with my family -- but I'll be glad to get back into the office. I even have some new office clothes for the occasion.*

I'm taking the day tomorrow to clean my office, finish up any non-work administrative tasks I have yet to do, and organize for the week. Then I'll be officially back in the office at noon on Tuesday.

Fall is full of routines. I have routines for work, and the munchkins are back in school with their own routines. It's nice, and helps the days pass more quickly until the next milestone (our wedding!). We all do better when we have routines, and it will be a relief for me to get back into mine.

Structure helps keep me moving forward each day, even when I'm feeling overwhelmed or frustrated about something going on or that's out of my control. All I have to do is follow my schedule and focus on the very next thing I'm doing.

And drink loads of coffee.




-----
*Yes, I work independently from home, but dressing for the office helps keep me in a professional, workday mindset each day that I'm working, so I try to dress for the office every day that I'm working, including wearing shoes. (Saturdays are "casual" days, but still office-appropriate.)

You can't unread this book....

Yesterday I finished reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess).

And there's a hole in my life in the shape of an enormous metal chicken that I think can only be filled by a deranged-looking taxidermied raccoon.

The Bloggess posts frequently on her blog that she has found her tribe, thanks to the Internet. She's found people just as strange and broken as she is, and has been able to connect with them and make friends and feel not alone, especially when depression is lying to her. I have found that through her blog and memoir, too.

Everyone is broken. And when we find somewhere in which we can be broken and still magical, we win. Not only does Lawson's memoir show people that they can be broken and magical, but she does it with the same brilliant, acerbic style that brings me back to her blog with every new post.

She manages to talk about the very serious, scary things she has experienced wedged between absurd comedy that makes the overall memoir feel much lighter than it actually is. When you get finished, it's as if you've read a comedy, not a book that talks about rare medical problems, mental illness, miscarriage, and traumatic experiences with all the seriousness those topics deserve.

Lawson's memoir proves that she is more than the sum of her parts. Yes, she has had these experiences and difficulties and an incredible weirdness in her life, but she cannot -- and will not -- be defined by any of them. Or even all of them. Because, in the end, we're all just stumbling around until we find our tribe. She found hers.

If you're still looking for yours, or want confirmation that you're not nearly as weird as you think you are, or need a reminder that depression lies, please pick up her book. Read her blog. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter. Reach out in some way and know that you are not alone.

We're all a little mad here. Jenny Lawson just manages to talk about it in a way that makes you laugh.

Renew your spirit with an Amazonian duck flock

Morning constitutional

There is a flock of about sixteen ducks that live in our apartment complex.*

They are all female.

Earlier in the year (spring and early summer), the ducks had paired off, with some females unattached to male ducks. Babies were born, and the male ducks were still hanging around.

But those male ducks were asshats. They constantly harassed the female ducks, driving them away from their babies (who would then cry for mama and attach to another mama just so they weren't alone). As the summer progressed, the female ducks started hanging around together more often, even protecting each other from the male ducks.

Now there's a flock of all female ducks in our apartment complex, and I haven't seen a male duck in months.

We've dubbed them the Amazonian duck flock because they've banded together to be strong against the onslaught of harassment. They watch out for each other, and I rarely see any of them separated from the group.

They're my favorite ducks ever.




-----
* By which I mean they live on the property outside, not that they inhabit units. Just to clarify.

Challenge accepted!

Some time ago I tried (unsuccessfully) the 100 books in a year challenge. It was embarrassing how badly I failed.

I'm a different person now, and I have a different daily schedule and life, and I want to do it again. But I don't want to wait until January 1st to start, so I'm starting now.

My goal is to read 100 books by August 21, 2016. I'll be using my discretion as to what books count. Children's picture books that I read to the kids won't count, but if I read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland or The Wind in the Willows to them, that does count. I have to begin and finish the book for it to count. Rereads count (because there's nothing wrong with rereading a great book).

I'll be checking in around the 22nd of each month for an update, and I'll likely write little reviews and reflections of what I read each week (or at least once a month).

My amazing fiance gave me 52 books for Christmas last year, so I have quite a lengthy list from which to start.

I hope that this challenge will help me make more time to read for pleasure, which is one area I find myself lacking lately. If I need time for something else, reading is typically the first thing to go. I want (and need) to read more. For my sanity, for my writing, and for my own edification.

And what better place to start than with Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened?


What are you reading this month?

Steeling myself for fall

I miss Midwest autumns.

On the heels of my current vacation is launching myself into the busyness of the fall work season. The work with my current big client rises and falls on a predictable schedule, with fall, the holiday season, and around April and May being the busiest times.

This fall is set to be even busier. It will be stressful, but ultimately, it'll be a very good thing.

So I'm grateful for these two weeks to mentally and emotionally recharge myself before this next busy season begins.

It will take incredible patience to balance my life this fall. In addition to work (which will be more intense than previous seasons) and a chaotic school schedule (Tink is in half-days while Puck has a full day), I'm getting married in October, right in the middle of the season.

My office space,
complete with writing buddy.

Thankfully, I'm much more organized than I have been in previous years. My office space is much more conducive to effective work. I got a new (larger) desk and have spread out a little bit.

I'm optimistic about what the new work season will bring, and the progress I'm making toward my personal and professional goals. There's still lots to do, but there's also a lot that's been accomplished, and I'm happy about that.

I started this year with the mentality that 2015 would be a good year. For the most part, it has been. There have been some hiccups and complications along the way, which is to be expected. But, overall, it's been good. And the past seven months are helping set us up for 2016 to be even better.

And it all starts with this fall, when I come back from vacation and jump into work, recharged and ready for all the chaos and stress and excitement of work and clients and managing my schedule. And I'll be ready.


Do you have a busy season? How do you handle it?

Renew your spirit with optimism

I'm facing a major obstacle at work that is impacting the rest of this month. It's unexpected, but manageable, and I'm trying to make the best of an awkward situation.

As a result, I'm going to have a lot of free time for the next couple of weeks.

So, in my continued efforts to stay optimistic about life, I'm going to be using this time to sort of let myself recharge mentally and emotionally. I'll be finishing my draft of the coffee house book, catching up on some reading for pleasure, and cleaning the apartment when I have nothing else to do.

The first few days have been strange, but I've been able to focus on Tink's appointments rather than obsessing about what I'm not able to do for work.

In talking with Bo about it, I've realized that, ultimately, it's probably a good thing. I've been working very hard all summer, and was approaching a breaking point. This "forced vacation" (which is what I'm calling it) is giving me the chance to take a step back from work, shift my focus, and then jump back into it with renewed energy and motivation.

I'm anticipating a very busy fall season, so I'm trying to be glad for the time off for now.

Pardon me while I go wander around the apartment and find something to occupy my time.