Renew your spirit with feeling pretty

Sample French-inspired minimalist wardrobe (source)

Lately, I've felt pretty.

I have nearly completed my basics wardrobe (just a couple more items to acquire, all of which are not urgent in the least), and my skin has been looking better and better lately.

It amazes me how much of an impact these little changes have had on my outlook and confidence, especially lately.

I feel good because I feel like I look good.

My appearance and my impression of how others see me was a big source of anxiety for me for a long time, particularly because of my skin. But the longer I have been living authentically, staying true to who I am, the more I find myself caring less about what others think of me and more what I think about myself.

Despite moments of anxiety, things are going well for me.

Now that we're into autumn and work is beginning to pick up more, my work days are nice and productive. Summer is typically slower for me, and I'm glad to be getting back to the way things should be with work. It makes me feel more accomplished at the end of the day, and I really love the work I do each day.

Bo and I are getting married in less than a month, and things are coming together nicely for the wedding and our mini-honeymoon afterward.* We have some final details to iron out, but, mostly, we're ready. (And we'll be getting our announcements in the mail soon, so we can get those ready to send out.) 

School has started, and Puck and Tink are into their school-year routine, which is working well for all of us. The kids like having structure to their days, and knowing exactly what comes next in their days. In fact, each of them has a checklist for weekdays, and all they have to do is go down the list starting when they wake up. If they do everything on their lists, they'll have had a good day and gotten everything (chores) done before bed.

And, through it all, my perspective has shifted so that I feel much more confident and put together than ever before. I'm not saying it's only because of my wardrobe, but I know that if I feel like I look good, I feel good.

So I'm glad I feel pretty.

-----

*We're taking a little trip after our wedding, and planning a bigger trip for next spring or summer.

Renew your spirit with getting back into the office

Image by Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation. It's been...weird...having time off. I've enjoyed it -- especially getting to spend time with my family -- but I'll be glad to get back into the office. I even have some new office clothes for the occasion.*

I'm taking the day tomorrow to clean my office, finish up any non-work administrative tasks I have yet to do, and organize for the week. Then I'll be officially back in the office at noon on Tuesday.

Fall is full of routines. I have routines for work, and the munchkins are back in school with their own routines. It's nice, and helps the days pass more quickly until the next milestone (our wedding!). We all do better when we have routines, and it will be a relief for me to get back into mine.

Structure helps keep me moving forward each day, even when I'm feeling overwhelmed or frustrated about something going on or that's out of my control. All I have to do is follow my schedule and focus on the very next thing I'm doing.

And drink loads of coffee.




-----
*Yes, I work independently from home, but dressing for the office helps keep me in a professional, workday mindset each day that I'm working, so I try to dress for the office every day that I'm working, including wearing shoes. (Saturdays are "casual" days, but still office-appropriate.)

Renew your spirit with an Amazonian duck flock

Morning constitutional

There is a flock of about sixteen ducks that live in our apartment complex.*

They are all female.

Earlier in the year (spring and early summer), the ducks had paired off, with some females unattached to male ducks. Babies were born, and the male ducks were still hanging around.

But those male ducks were asshats. They constantly harassed the female ducks, driving them away from their babies (who would then cry for mama and attach to another mama just so they weren't alone). As the summer progressed, the female ducks started hanging around together more often, even protecting each other from the male ducks.

Now there's a flock of all female ducks in our apartment complex, and I haven't seen a male duck in months.

We've dubbed them the Amazonian duck flock because they've banded together to be strong against the onslaught of harassment. They watch out for each other, and I rarely see any of them separated from the group.

They're my favorite ducks ever.




-----
* By which I mean they live on the property outside, not that they inhabit units. Just to clarify.

Renew your spirit with optimism

I'm facing a major obstacle at work that is impacting the rest of this month. It's unexpected, but manageable, and I'm trying to make the best of an awkward situation.

As a result, I'm going to have a lot of free time for the next couple of weeks.

So, in my continued efforts to stay optimistic about life, I'm going to be using this time to sort of let myself recharge mentally and emotionally. I'll be finishing my draft of the coffee house book, catching up on some reading for pleasure, and cleaning the apartment when I have nothing else to do.

The first few days have been strange, but I've been able to focus on Tink's appointments rather than obsessing about what I'm not able to do for work.

In talking with Bo about it, I've realized that, ultimately, it's probably a good thing. I've been working very hard all summer, and was approaching a breaking point. This "forced vacation" (which is what I'm calling it) is giving me the chance to take a step back from work, shift my focus, and then jump back into it with renewed energy and motivation.

I'm anticipating a very busy fall season, so I'm trying to be glad for the time off for now.

Pardon me while I go wander around the apartment and find something to occupy my time.

Renew your spirit with a quiet walk

I like to walk alone sometimes (when it's not swelteringly Florida-hot outside, that is). It's a good opportunity to be quiet and alone and sort of recollect myself. There's no work or family drama or worries about Tink's upcoming appointments. I can just be outside and walk.

I used to walk more regularly, but life got in the way and it got pushed away. So I'm trying to reintegrate regular walking into my routines.

No cell phone, no Clara or other people. Just me. I wish I had a little forest to walk in. Or along the beach. But I'll take what I can get in order to have the time and space I need to think and breathe and ground myself.

My goal is to walk at least once a week by myself on Sunday mornings for a minimum of about half an hour. More if I need it, less if I'm pressed for time. But my goal is half an hour.

If I can manage that every week, I think I'll feel much better equipped to handle some of the stresses I've been facing lately. And when the weather starts to cool off, the walks will be even better.

Renew your spirit with an impromptu family visit

This is the last time we got a picture of the four of us together.
Christmas 2011

I got to see my brother yesterday!

He and his girlfriend spent a week in Florida at the house of a friend of our mother's (near Tampa). They're headed back today, so on their way out of the state, they stopped by for lunch.

It was wonderful.

I don't get to see my siblings very often anymore. I saw them in 2013 when I took the munchkins up for Christmas, and I hope/expect to see them in October for the wedding.

But life has unfolded in such a way that it's not feasible for us to go up as often as we'd like, and they aren't able to come down as often as they'd like. So we make do with phone calls and texts and Facebook messaging.

My brother (the guy on the right in the picture) and I have gotten a lot closer as we've gotten older, even if we do live states away from each other. We're in similar places in our lives and have much more in common than we once did. It's nice to be able to have that connection with him.

And he's an amazing uncle. He hasn't seen the kids in ages, but jumped right into typical uncle duties as if he hadn't missed a day. He plays and jokes and gives them his rapt attention. Puck and Tink adore him. In fact, even though Tink hadn't seen him in over a year, when he came in, she ran right up and jumped into his arms.

It was a good opportunity to touch base with family to get me through until October when I'll get to (hopefully) see everyone again. And we'll make sure to get a picture.

Renew your spirit with self-care

If you've been reading my blog lately, you know that I've been struggling a bit with anxiety an depression popping back up in my life. I'm lucky to have an amazing support system, though, so I'm doing okay.

But feeling the way I have lately has reminded me how important self-care is in my life.

I am currently the sole breadwinner for our family, using my scribbling to make money for important things like coffee, cookies, and World of Warcraft subscriptions. I adore what I do, and I'm good at it. But it can also be stressful since freelancing income, particularly in my field, can be variable.

Most of the time I can handle the stress that comes with my every day life. I keep pushing through and get things done the way the need to be done, and all is well. But sometimes, like last week, I'm reminded that if I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of everyone else.

So along with all of the get-shit-done, there's an element of stop-and-take-a-breath that needs to happen.

I've gotten away from yoga, which had been helping. So I'm re-committing to yoga regularly, even if it's only once a week to start.

I've also gotten into some bad eating habits (like not enough healthy, whole foods). So I'm re-committing to healthier eating.

I hope that taking some smaller steps toward better self-care now can help keep problems from getting too big later on. Plus, it's nice to feel like I'm spoiling myself once in a while.


What do you do to take care of yourself regularly?

Renewing my spirit with wedding plans

I've needed things to look forward to lately. I've been struggling a bit emotionally, so I've been clinging to things that make me happy.

Like wedding plans.

Bo and I are getting married in less than three months.*

And that makes me happy.

We've been doing a lot of piecing together in the past few weeks. The invitations are ready to be stamped, assembled, and sent. We have a rough outline of the ceremony that Dantielle (who will be performing the wedding ceremony) is using to plan out the ceremony itself, The cake is ordered and paid for, we have a basic menu planned, and we even have an idea of how we'd like the room set up for the reception.

There are a few things left (Puck and Bo's suits, Tink's shoes, and a few odds and ends), but for the most part, we're ready.

And that makes me happy.




-----
*Squee!

Renew your spirit with nature in a jar

I have a jar (I think it once had honey in it) on my desk that I call my "nature jar."

When I started collecting stones and crystals and shells, Mimi gave me a jar she had with lots of little crystals and stones she'd collected over the years. I added mine to it, put it on my desk, and it was a nice little connection to nature in my office space.

After a beach day, I added some shells.

Shortly after that, Puck found a "pretty stone"* on the ground and gave it to me for my jar.

One day on a walk through our apartment complex, I found two duck feathers on the grass in beautiful condition. I added them to the jar, too.

My jar  is my way of bringing the outside to my desk, which is particularly important to me since my desk faces away from the patio door. I can't look outside very easily while I'm working, so my jar is my compromise. It keeps me from feeling stir-crazy when I have long days of work ahead of me.

Some days it reminds me to get out of the apartment and into the sunshine. Other days it acts as my sunshine.

And if it gets full, I have another jar waiting in the wings to add to it.




-----
*A small piece of concrete. But he picked it just for me, so into the jar it went.

Renew your spirit with women's soccer

The 2015 FIFA Women's World Cup is going on.

And the U.S. team is awesome. I've loved watching them play, and I'm glad that Bo and I decided to start watching soccer.

We originally decided to start watching way back in March when we were on our cruise. There were a couple of soccer matches on the stateroom TV throughout the week, and we got to talking about how we both wanted to have a sport to watch, but neither of us really like watching the mainstream American sports like football, basketball, and baseball. So we decided to give soccer a try.

And now we're a soccer lesbian couple.

I really like soccer. I understand the rules, there is minimal down time within the game, and the women on the U.S. team are badasses. There are even a couple of players I consider myself a fan of, like Megan Rapinoe and Abby Wambach (both of whom are out and proud, by the way).

The next U.S. game is against Germany on Tuesday. We'll be watching.

Renew your spirit, and keep moving

I've been struggling lately. I've had to deal with depression and anxiety since I was in middle school, and while I can keep it under control the vast majority of the time, there are still days that are worse than others.

This week has seen some bad days.

I don't exactly why; nothing has happened to cause it. But I found myself really struggling this week to keep pushing forward and doing what I needed to do. The lure of doing nothing was particularly strong.

The first day it happened, I thought it was just my introvert-ness showing. Between Bo and I working together and Puck's school schedule, I hadn't had much alone time to recharge. The time I did have alone was spent driving or doing administrative-type work (updating task lists, organizing, etc.).

But it persisted. And changed.

And it had a weird, unwelcome feeling to it.

I have tools and resources to help me fight depression and anxiety, and they usually work. But this time has been a little different. The tools and resources I normally use haven't worked, and I've come to the conclusion that the only way out is through.

I know it will get better. I just have to keep moving.

Renew your spirit with summer

Puck's last day of school is this week, so when they get back from Monty's house, he'll be on summer break.

We're all looking forward to it, too.

Bo has some exciting activities and crafts planned for the munchkins this summer, we're going to go to the beach as often as possible, and we have a family trip planned for July.

I'm looking forward to getting in some extra time with the munchkins,

But, as often happens with transitions like this, I find myself thinking about how quickly the school year has gone by, and where we were this time last year. Puck was finishing pre-K, and now he's ready for first grade.

He's done very well this school year, and I'm proud of his accomplishments. He's gone from being able to write his name to being able to write complete sentences legibly. He colors (well) inside the lines, and can draw pictures with very good detail. He knows a lot about math and science and language arts and the world around him, and he's eager to keep learning and developing and growing.

Tink has learned a lot this year, too, in trying to keep up with her brother. She can write all her letters and is beginning to sound out words to be able to write them. She has gone from scribbling all over a page to coloring much more in the lines. And she can even read some of Puck's sight words from his kindergarten list. She's closer to kindergarten-level than pre-K, and is ready to be in school "like Brother, but with no lunchbox."

It's been a good school year, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the munchkins are going to learn and do during the next school year. And in the meantime, we're going to have a great summer.

Renew your spirit with a party in Pixie Hollow

We celebrated Tink's birthday on Saturday. She's four. She's ready for school now. Because she's a big girl with big girl dreams.

To celebrate her birthday we made a big tree in the corner of our living room with butcher paper and leaves of construction and poster paper. We hung paper fans as flowers. It was Pixie Hollow. Tink wore her costume wings.

We made peanut butter roll-ups for lunch (because that's how fairies eat their sandwiches) and cupcakes in flower-shaped cupcake papers (because fairies make their cupcakes in flowers).

We watched movies and played games and opened presents and Tink got all the lipstick (chapstick) from Dantyelle.

It was a great day.

Happy birthday, Tink.

Renew your spirit: For Tink, on her fourth birthday

May 2012 (Tink's first birthday party)

Our sweet Tink is four years old today.

She's spending the day with Monty, so we'll be celebrating her birthday this coming Saturday instead. She doesn't know it yet, but we're doing a fairy-inspired party for her, complete with small-ish finger foods because that's what she would eat if she were a real fairy.

Whenever the munchkins hit a milestone, like a birthday or an important first, I can't help but think about how far we've come since they were born. How much they've grown and changed. How wonderful our life has been and is and will be. I think it's kind of standard practice for moms to do, isn't it? (Let's just say it is.)

March 2013

Tink has been my challenge child. My pregnancy was more difficult, the delivery was more difficult. She had to be on light therapy for a while after we brought her home. Then, she wasn't growing properly, so we had to adjust how we cared for her, including a year of physical and occupational therapy.

It was scary for a while. She had appointments with her pediatrician every week to check her weight, and was having blood drawn every two weeks or so to check various levels and run various tests. She went to several specialists, all of whom felt like something was off, but couldn't find anything wrong.

The best answer we got during that time was from the pediatric geneticist who thought she might have something, but was too young to reach the diagnostic criteria. His medical opinion was that she would either be fine, or she would continue to not be fine and be able to be diagnosed. Thanks, man. So helpful.

February 2014

Tink is doing better now. She's healthy and has grown quite a bit. She's still incredibly, ridiculously skinny, but is almost as tall as Puck. (Her size makes it hard to find clothes that fit her, so it's likely that she'll be wearing a lot of skirts and dresses. Not that she would complain.)

She has caught up to her physical developmental milestones, and is ahead in many of her social and cognitive milestones. She can write her letters (and her name), and is beginning to read. She's definitely ready for pre-K!

She gave us a bit of a scare early in her life, but she's growing into a sweet, happy little girl. She is compassionate, helpful, and definitely has the Acres* Irish attitude. But, as my grandmother would say, "We like our Acres girls spunky."

Tink is definitely spunky. That can be a challenge at times, but I'm so glad she's come into her own personality. She's brave and funny and knows exactly what she wants.

April 2015

I don't know what's coming in the next several years. But I know that school will be good for her. She'll be able to learn more even faster, which she'll enjoy. She'll get to meet new people and make new friends, which she'll love. And she'll continue to grow and change and make her mamas proud.

Whatever comes, I know she'll meet it with the perfect mix of compassion and stubbornness to make sure that she achieves her dreams, helps others, and isn't walked over by anyone.

She is already strong and determined and awesome. I know her strength will see her through whatever challenges meet her along her way. And I know her determination will keep her pushing past the challenges to move into better, happier times.

I am so, so proud of you, my sweet girl. Keep doing exactly what you're doing.

Happy Birthday, Tink. I love you.




-----
*Acres is my grandmother's maiden name. Her father was born in Ireland.

Renew your spirit with external motivation

My mantra this year is "Keep moving."

With all of the changes occurring this year, I'm using it to remind myself that I have to keep making progress, even if it's only one step at a time. The problem I've been running into lately is that while I have a lot of internal motivation (I have the desire to do what has to be done), I sometimes struggle with external motivation (the actual get-up-and-do-it part).

So I've been trying to focus on external motivation lately, reminding myself of why we have the goals we have, and why I have to do what I have to do. I've been reminding myself about the benefits of taking care of things immediately, breaking things into smaller parts when needed, and using every trick or tip I can think of to help me get through this challenging spot.

The desire to be productive is there. I'm excited about the long-term goals we have, the benefits of using the processes I have in place, and everything else that's involved. I just have to keep reminding myself (for now, at least) that it's worth it to keep moving. 

I'm glad that's my mantra this year. Maybe it will help me improve my external motivation.

Do you struggle with external motivation? How do you deal with it?

Renew your spirit with (secular) Easter

Today was Bo's first Easter with the munchkins. (We went a little overboard. But it was fun and happy and wonderful, so I don't even care.)

Around here, Easter is a secular holiday we use to welcome spring. The weather is warm, the flowers are blooming, and we feel lighter and happier and ready to take on whatever comes. So we celebrate it by hunting eggs and finding Easter baskets that, this year, took the form of toy trunks with dress-up costumes and chocolate and toys.

So we've spent the day helping the kids change in and out of costume after costume, convincing them that the chocolate they ate after lunch was quite enough for now, thank you, and that yes, Puck does have to go to school tomorrow.

It's been a wonderful day already.

Welcome, Spring! Good job.

Renew your spirit with plans for more plants

The plants are continuing to accumulate in our home and on our patio.

What started as one philodendron has become four (I just started two new plants yesterday). I have/had three spider plants, but joined them into one pot because they seemed very unhappy after being separated. We have two kinds of ivy hanging on the patio, a miniature rose bush and an orchid that were gifts for Bo, two separate pots with bamboo, a tall purple-leaved outdoor plant I can never remember the name of, and the munchkins each have a small flowering plant they picked for themselves.

I want more. Now that the cool weather is behind us in central Florida, I am eager to add to my plants and flowers. I don't know what specific plants I'd like to add to my little collection. Though I would like a little shamrock plant and some herbs.

I love having plants around, especially when it's too hot and humid outside to leave our patio door open to let fresh air in. I love taking care of them, re-potting them to make them happier, and seeing glimpses of the beauty of nature on my patio and around my home. And the plants I choose usually need a little extra attention at first. I have the tendency to choose plants that look a little scraggly or neglected.

I've found it incredibly relaxing to take care of the plants, whether it be watering, pruning, or re-potting. I like feeling the dirt in my hands and seeing the plants happier and growing. It's therapeutic.

I wish I could have a big garden, but Bo has assured me that when we have room for it, we definitely will. Until then, the plants I have (and will get) will have to be enough.

Do you have plants in your home?

Renew your spirit with feminism

Despite what a lot of people try to tell you, feminism still matters.

Yes, women can vote and work outside the home. They can drive and own property and do the things that men can do.

But there is still a lot of stigma surrounding women (especially mothers) who work outside the home or single moms.

There are raised eyebrows when women work their way to tops of companies to be leaders or who go after positions traditionally considered men's jobs. And when they do work their way through their careers, they often do it at lower wages than their male counterparts.

In many situations throughout the United States, women are treated separate but equal. (Which, as we know, is not equal at all.)

And while lots of women never consciously experience the rampant discrimination, objectification, and misogyny that permeate our society, those things still exist.

Women are still afraid to walk to their cars alone or go jogging alone in the mornings.* Women guard their drinks at bars and clubs. What it comes down to is that women are treated differently than men in our society. They just are.

Some of it is getting better, but there is still so much that people don't realize is harmful and continues to happen. Men make comments they claim are harmless or complimentary, not realizing those comments objectify the women they are speaking to. It happens all the time. Women expect to be cat called and harassed.

And instead of fixing the real problem, which is that we allow men to treat us this way without accountability, women are taught from a young age to learn self-defense, carry mace. I was told from middle school that if I was being attacked, I should yell "Fire" instead of "Rape" because it increased the likelihood that someone would come to help.

Seriously.

It's not okay that this happens in our society. It's not okay that women adapt to this treatment instead of men being held accountable for what they're being wrong. How many times have you heard "boys will be boys" said casually--often by mothers--as an excuse for bad behavior? Why is this acceptable?

And because I am a woman, because there are women in my life I love and respect, and because I have a daughter, feminism still matters.






-----
*A friend of mine posted on Facebook just yesterday that she didn't get to run that morning because no one else from her running group showed up, and it was not safe for her to run alone, particularly in the dark.

Renew your spirit with an anniversary

May 2014

Bo and I celebrated our anniversary last week.

We were lucky enough to get to celebrate on a beautiful cruise ship on the ocean.

The trip was a much-needed break for both of us, and I'm so glad we were able to get away to celebrate and reconnect.

I'm so thankful to have Bo in my life.

I reached out to her on a whim, not really expecting a response or anything to come of it (except maybe friendship), and I got so much more than I could have hoped for. Not only has she become a wonderful companion to me, but has become a wonderful addition to the kids' lives, as well.

She is their Bo.

They adore her, and know that she will always be there to give them the love and support they need. She is firm when she needs to be, but is always up for silly games and adventures to add to our memories.

December 2014

She has become a positive force in their lives, and fits in so well with our little family it's as if she's always been here.

She is my Bo.

We found each other when I was in a darker place than I am now. It wasn't a bad place, and I was working hard at moving in the right direction, but there were some areas in my life that were still challenges to me. She met me where I was and helped me become a better person. She helped me work toward my goals and dreams.

She is what is best about me.

We've been through a lot over the past year, but we've been through it together. It's been hard and scary and rewarding and wonderful, and we've done it together, every step of the way.

And we have big plans for our future together as a couple and as a family. We'll be getting married this fall, we want to travel (a lot), and we have set specific and achievable goals that we're working toward every day.

March 2015

There have already been challenges along the way, causing us to re-evaluate our goals and timeline, but we haven't stopped moving forward. We've had to shift things around, but we're still making progress.

And through every step, we've grown together, and stronger as a couple. We lean on each other to get through the challenges and obstacles we face, knowing we can be strong for each other when it's needed.

I love Bo. And I feel so lucky to get to spend the rest of my life with her.

We complement each other in ways I didn't think could happen (some of them very quirky, too). We are like-minded in areas that are important, but have enough differences to keep discussions interesting, and to keep each other balanced. I feel that she is my perfect fit.

It has been a wonderful first year, and if this year has been any indication, there's nothing but good to come.

Renew your spirit with a birthday text

Today is my dad's birthday.

I texted him this morning.

I'm not usually the type to only text for a birthday, especially when it's family, but in March of last year, I had a conversation with my dad about my "lifestyle choice" as a lesbian, particularly since I'd started a relationship with Bo.

It didn't go exceptionally well.

As a result of that conversation, I haven't really talked to my dad in almost a year. We've spoken a few times since that conversation in March, and texted a few times, but it's all be superficial.

When we spoke, I made it clear to him that it would be up to him to decide how our relationship would proceed. I didn't want to push him if he wasn't comfortable. I didn't want to feel guilty about living authentically. So I left it up to him.

And we haven't really talked in almost a year.

When I texted my dad this morning, I honestly didn't expect a response at all. About an hour later, he texted me back, thanking me for the birthday text. A few minutes later, my phone chimed again.

How is work?

Of all the things he could possibly text--How are you? How are the kids? How are things?--he chose the question with the least emotional connection possible.*

I know my dad pretty well at this point. And I know that the reason he texted that was so he could convince himself that he's tried to have a relationship with me. Since he asked that, he can tell himself that he wanted to know what's going on in my life. He's making an effort.

I call bullshit.

Until now, I have kept my distance from him, but kept the door open if he tried to reconnect. He's my father, and grandfather to the kids. I didn't want to completely cut him off if there was a chance that he would want to make the effort to be in our lives.

It is clear he doesn't want to make that effort. So I'm officially done.

I'm at the point in my life that I don't need extra drama. There's enough chaos in my life on a day-to-day basis that I don't need to add to it. So I'm going to simply let go of the idea (hope?) that my dad would somehow miraculously change and realize that staying connected with his daughter and grandchildren is more important than saving face at church.**

So I am moving on, head high, knowing that I gave it a valiant effort to maintain a relationship with him long after he made it clear that he wasn't willing to put in any effort for the same. This really was a long time coming, to be honest. And something I may tackle in a future blog post one of these days.

I don't know what the future holds. But, for now, as far as I'm concerned, it's over.






-----
*It could be worse--he could have asked about the weather.

**I know. What was I thinking?