29 April 2012
Puck and Tink are safely in Florida, and I am in central Illinois. It's strange being without them, and I'm told that while visitations get less strange, it will never be "okay" that the kids are not with me. Perhaps doubly-so because they're so little.
However, I'm trying to stay positive, so I'm using this time--especially today--to be alone.
As a mom of two--and a newly single mom--I don't have a lot of time to myself. In fact, I haven't had significant time to myself since 2007. (I remember it, in fact. Monty and I had just gotten married, and he helped escort a group on a cruise for his mother's travel business. He was gone five days.) When I do get more than a few minutes here or there, I never know what to do with myself. I always find things to do, of course. A mom's work is never done. But this time is different. This time I'm facing two weeks without Puck and Tink. I'll still be watching my niece, Bug, while Sisi is at work, but in the evenings and on the weekends, I'll have the apartment to myself. In addition, I'll have some extra days over the next couple of weeks to myself since Bug will likely spend a few days with Granny (my grandmother).
In the weeks leading up to Puck and Tink's visitation, I was nervous about the time alone. So much of my daily routine revolves around the kids that I envisioned myself scrubbing baseboards and power-washing the outsides of my windows to keep busy. I even made a list of 50 things I'd like to accomplish over the next couple of weeks. And I very well may get to nearly everything on that list. If I don't, it's okay. Because I need to spend some time in solitude, too.
Some time ago, I tried to start meditating regularly. Unfortunately, it didn't stick. Something about kids who weren't sleeping through the night. But now that they do both sleep through the night (and since they're gone right now, anyway), I may start taking time alone to meditate again. Maybe it will be the quiet moments I need to refresh myself, even if it's not a Sunday.
For someone who's always busy and surrounded by people, having time alone like this can be disquieting, despite the quiet of solitude. But I know it's important for me. I need time alone. So I will take the next two weeks and get things done as much as I can. And I will take the next two weeks to enjoy the time I have to myself to renew my spirit in solitude.