I was reminded again today of how much I would like to write full time. As I was sitting in my classroom during the last period of the day, I told my students to quiet down and read, as they were supposed to be doing, and as I was telling them to quiet down, their voices rose over mine so they could be heard as they finished their sentences instead of reading.
Really? I had to, unfortunately, shout to be heard, and when they heard my tone they finally went back to reading, but in that moment I came to a realization.
While I enjoy teaching very much, and could see myself in front of a classroom for years to come, it is not what I want to do with the rest of my life.
There is something wonderful in teaching. I love being able to share my passion for language and literature with open minds. I love being able to contribute to the education of young people. I love getting paid to read and write! And I have more good days than bad days. My students, many times, are responsive to my discussion questions, they have good insights into the literature, and they don't complain (much) about the work I assign them.
However, it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I am not so young and naive that I think adulthood is getting paid way too much to have fun all day every day. I paid my own way through college, and I know sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do in order to pay the bills and/or get to the place where you can get paid to have fun all day every day.
To be honest, it made me a little jealous last night when my husband was talking about being able to stay home today. A small part of me was jealous because I was tired and wanted to sleep in, but most of me wanted to stay home so I could scribble all day. And, unfortunately, it didn't get better this morning.
Even when I was standing in front of my students today, I was thinking about what I need to do to get my freelance work going. I was thinking about how to liven up one of the sections in my coffee house book. I was thinking about the fact that my writing to do list is much longer than my work to do list, and not because I have less time to write each day than I do to teach.
I am in the process of preparing to do what I want to do with the rest of my life. I just hope my heart can hold out until then.