|Woman in Window by John Vanderpoel|
- The first part of so much wrong
- Part two of so much wrong
- Step 1: rebuke her privately
- Step 2: rebuke her publicly
- Step 3: bring her before the church
According to ye olde blog post, we're escalating our process now that we're in step four.
However, let's not forget that the blogger says he doesn't think it's wrong to begin some of these steps alongside the first three steps of the process.
Step four tells husbands to stop taking their wives on dates or trips to address her sexual refusal. Here's what the post says (emphasis mine):
Stop taking your wife to her favorite restaurants. Stop taking her out to those movies she wants to see. Don't take her on those weekend getaways she wants to go on. I am not saying to stop talking to your wife, or ignore your wife, as that is not an option for a Christian husband. But your wife does not have the RIGHT for you to take her on dates or trips--these things are a privilege that you may remove at any time.
I could barely type that without shaking my head so hard I couldn't see.
Let's turn to my second emphasis, shall we?
Here's the thing. In normal, healthy relationships, both individuals need to invest time and energy into the relationship. Part of that is spending time together. Like on dates or taking trips.
But this blog post implies that if a wife does not submit to her husband sexually, he can retaliate (because, let's be honest, that's what this is) by not taking her on dates or trips and not spending time with her. Because, as your wife, she can't do anything on her own, anyway. So this step has bonus features! if she's not going somewhere with you, she's not leaving the house at all!
I would also like to point out (in the first emphasis) that this step is advocating everything but ignoring the wife. If it weren't, the blog post wouldn't feel the need to point out that ignoring the wife isn't an option.
"You can't simply turn your back on your wife and literally not speak to her, but this is the next best thing."
The further I get through this post, the more it angers me at the way women are treated within this population group. The next few steps really emphasize the way Christian husbands view their wives.
She's lucky (well, they'd use the word blessed) to have him, and should show him that. Because he's not obligated to give her anything except food, clothing and shelter (which we'll get to in a later step, actually). So if she doesn't put out, neither does he.
I came very close to marrying into that dynamic. Not that I was in a relationship with someone who was like that. But when I was in high school and very into the church, there was a young man I saw myself marrying. we were unofficially courting (we liked each other), and had my life taken a slightly different turn, I probably would have married him, stayed home, and had babies. And everything that is expected of the wives this blog post is talking about would have been expected of me.
That would have made it really hard to be a lesbian....